I couldn't commit

I couldn't commit.

Two big projects are due this month. I was fired up about both of them. I planned, outlined and put segments into my schedule for completion. Yet, I continued bumping up against blocks of procrastination.

This is a very well-worn pattern for me, and I’ve used various practices to release it, and try to release it again. And again. Yet, it shows up.

I used to be extremely hard on myself, judging myself for being ‘lazy’ or not putting the work in until the last minute, knowing that with space and reflection, I could produce something even better. I kept questioning why I wasn’t committing to myself and my goals. Reminding myself that nothing is wrong with me.

I’ve learned to be much more loving-kind to myself, deepening the intimacy with myself, with Divine Love, which has allowed me to hear and follow my intuition more. I have increased my trust in myself, that everything is working out for me.

Words matter, and, the energy of the words is incredibly important. As I remained open to what I needed to learn about this old pattern, a newer practice began to flow through me.
I observe the intuitive yes/no sensations I received to the words I was using, in both the limiting beliefs and in the new beliefs I desired to hold. Sometimes, this may be simple as saying and feeling into the opposite.
For example, “I’m not worthy” becomes “I am worthy”

But, when I tried that, going from “I’m not committed” to “I am committed”, it still felt dissonant, off, sticky, not me. My throat and abdomen contracted. That is my clear ‘no’ signal.

So, I opted to call upon higher guidance, center myself, open to hear my intuitive voice for what words are a match.
I wrote them each out as they came through one by one, and when needed, spoke them out loud:

>>>‘Accountability’: got an intuitive ‘no’. Asked that to be released and a lion’s breath came through
>>>‘Responsibility’: got an intuitive ‘no’ Asked that to be released and 3 exhales with purses lips came through
>>>‘Commitment’: got a strong intuitive ‘no’; Asked that to be released and a sustained hum came through
>>>‘Dedication’: got an intuitive ‘yes’, easier breath flow and asked to imprint it more, and humming glides with body movement and fuller breaths came through.

I am dedicated to my craft. I am dedicated to myself. I am dedicated to my dreams. I am dedicated to those I serve. Dedication is precious. Dedication is a choice. Dedication is sacred and sacred is safe. I am dedicated to Divine Love. Dedication allows for an upward spiral of belief, possibility and healing.

Following this practice, I succeeded in 3 days of forward momentum, with more ease, celebration and patience. I am a woman who is dedicated in this moment and stretching through the very visceral discomfort.

Perhaps you will get curious about any patterns that go round and round for you, and revisit it from a new perspective. Observe which words are dissonant and those that are the most resonant for you.
Allow yourself the choice, based on your Divine inner voice and your body's wisdom, so that you can go beyond saying meaningless or even disempowering words out of habit, and instead cultivate a deeper alignment and new core beliefs that are wholly you.